Simple Ramen

I grew up with ramen noodles in Nigeria, specifically Indomie, a brand that I just learned comes from Indonesia. Apparently Indomie introduced instant noodles to Nigeria in the 1990s and now has the largest instant noodle factory in Africa there. In college in Atlanta, I was introduced to more gourmet types of ramen, with all sorts of vegetables and fancy meats, and maybe an egg or something. The recipe below is the start of my attempts to have fancy ramen with minimal effort.

Ingredients
5 C water
2 packs instant noodles
2 C frozen vegetables
1 can Vienna sausages (the canned kind)

Put water on to heat in pot and add vegetables. Chop up Vienna sausages and add to pot. When water boils, add instant noodles. Cook for 3 minutes, remove from heat, and add seasoning packets.

So far I haven't found a shortcut for putting an egg in.

Garlic Munchers

Ingredients
6 hamburger bun halves (or however many will fit on your baking tray)
Butter
2 medium garlic cloves (or use garlic powder)
1 medium tomato
Cheese

Lay out the hamburger bun halves face up on a baking tray. Butter them and top them with crushed or chopped garlic. Stack a slice of tomato and a slice of cheese on each face. Other toppings such as avocado or spreadable lunch meat could be added to the stack. Bake for 10 minutes at 400 F or until toasted.

Deluxe Crackers

Ingredients

Peanut butter crackers

Grape jelly

More peanut butter

Nacho cheese

Make deluxe crackers by spreading jelly, peanut butter, or nacho cheese onto already peanut-buttered crackers. Each mouthful is an explosion of flavor, except for the peanut butter peanut butter crackers of course, for which every mouthful is an explosion of peanut butter.

Triple Rice Pudding

I have a lot of rice on hand, so I decided to make some rice pudding. Unfortunately, I don't have any milk or sugar. Fortunately, I really do have a lot of rice.

Ingredients
2 C cooked rice
3 C rice milk
1/3 C rice sugar

To make rice milk, blend 1 cup of cooked rice with 4 cups of water. Shake before each use.

To make rice sugar, add a bit of water and amylase to mashed up cooked rice. The amylase will break down complex carbohydrates in rice to form sugars. No need to visit a chemist; the water and amylase needed for this step are both present in human saliva.

Combine the rice, milk and sugar in a saucepan and bring to a boil, then simmer for about twenty minutes until thick. Stir regularly.

I went back for second helpings on this one; it may be best, however, not to dwell on the rice sugar step while actually eating the pudding.

Recipe: Spam Hashbrowns

Ingredients (pictured above)
2 medium potatoes
1/4 can Spam
2 T vegetable oil
2 t salt
1 t pepper
1 C peas (side dish)

Procedure
1. Grate potatoes and spam into large bowl. Mix in salt and pepper.
2. Pour oil into frying pan and dump in grated mixture.
3. Divide grated mixture into two equal portions. Cook portions on medium heat for 5 minutes on one side and flip to cook on the other side for another 5 minutes.
4. Serve with ketchup or other sauce.

Grated potatoes and spam

Hashbrowns after flipping

Finished meal

Simplicity

At the end of a summer of cooking and pseudo-cooking, it's time for one brief recipe.
Combine in bowl:
- 2 cups flour
- 2 tablespoons oil
- 3 tablespoons water
- salt to taste
Mix until dough is dough-like in texture. Divide into thirds and eat one third. Spread remaining dough on cookie sheet and bake until golden brown. Serve hot.

Onion Soup

It's gotten cold enough here in Atlanta that I've begun to have to wear a coat in addition to the sweaters that have sustained me through the past couple months. To add to the mood, a cold drizzle was falling all day today. I'm hoping for more cheerful weather for tomorrow, my last day of classes this semester, but for now, I'll just share this recipe for onion soup.

4 T oil
1 clove garlic, crushed
3 onions, sliced
1 tsp salt
4 C broth

Fry onions in garlic and oil. Add broth and salt and boil until onions are soft.

As I look around my room now, though, I realize that I would have to implement some substitutions if I wanted to make onion soup right now:

1 packet salad dressing
1 handful potato chips, crushed
1 C oats
4 C canned lemonade

Fry oats in salad dressing. Add lemonade and potato chips and boil until oats are soft.

Lemonade is at least a bit like broth, isn't it? Same concept, at least. Maybe my standards in food have been lowered this semester.

Midnight Snacks

I'd like to share some more recipes, but given that my dorm's occasionally-less-than-fully-stocked kitchen is three floors below me, I haven't been taking up the old saucepan 'n spicerack very often. In lieu of anything wholesome or elegant, here are a few midnight snacks I've frequented through the past couple years.

1. Handful of Edibles

Here's a dilemna: you're in your room late at night, approximately twelve seconds away from the kitchen. You're slightly hungry, but there's no guarantee that there will be snackable food available at the end of your expedition. Is it worth journeying across the cold floors of dark rooms just to check for food? Many factors are involved in this question, such as hunger level, availability of light sources, and time elapsed since last scary movie viewing. For those few, those brave who make it to the kitchen, here are the instructions:

-Find container of edible objects

-Remove objects from container and consume

2. Bread and Hot Dog Fry

A relatively simple recipe developed by myself at the height of my midnight snackery, taking more time to prepare, but totally worth it in the end:

-Melt 2 tablespoons of margarine in a small frying pan

-Place a slice of white bread in the pan, flipping it to let the margarine soak into both sides

-Cut a hot dog in half lengthwise and fry it alongside the bread

-Remove bread from pan and spread ketchup or hp sauce on it

-Place hot dog halves on bread and consume

3. Bowl of Oats

I have yet to find the perfect midnight snack for my college self, but for the meantime, I've purchased a large quantity of discount oats:

-Put dry oats in bowl

-Consider making something nice, like oatmeal with sugar, or oat granola

-Decide that you have so many other things to do with your time

-Eat the oats

I'm hoping for a time when I can cook and eat quality food on a regular basis, but looking back at this list, I see that that time is probably far in the future. Now excuse me while I find some more edible objects.

Simple Chili

I've just come to the end of a perspective-questioning day, thanks to my Biology class, and here comes the inevitable chili recipe (for what is the essential difference between man and chili?) I discovered that neither Benjamin nor Chris like cooking, so I'll be doing this post myself. To make a simple chili:

Combine in Saucepan:

- 1 can beans

- 1 cup ground beef

- 1 medium onion

- 1 medium tomato

Consider:

- What makes an onion medium except the size of its peers? Does this mean that the Chemistry test I took on Thursday should be curved?

Set the saucepan to cook over 'medium' heat.

Add spices. My 14-year-old self recommended:

- 1 clove garlic

- 3 spoons taco seasoning

- 2 spoons curry powder

- 1 spoon ketchup

- 1 spoon mustard

- 1 spoon salt

- Oregano, basil, cinnamon, and parsley to taste

Regret:

- The culinary decisions of 14-year-self.

- That 14-year-old self did not specify whether to use teaspoons or tablespoons.

Stir ingredients and cook until 'done'. During this time, realize key differences between humanity and chili (eg. sentience, ability to love and be loved). Remove chili from heat and consume. Consider that curving test grades can lead to unhealthy competition between students. There's nothing like a simple chili to bring you back to reality.