Mesopotamia Meets Skyrim

Hi, Chris here. After Benjamin's spiel about history yesterday, I thought I should repair some of his high-minded damage and show that ancient Mesopotamia is interesting even if you don't like all the archaeological things he was talking about. So therefore, having just bought The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim in the Autumn Steam Sale, I will attempt to transcribe here my Dovakhiin's exploits in epic Sumerian fashion.

Of Cadoc I will say two things;

Of the son of Odo I will say three.

His arm is like a strong wall;

His flank like the wall of a mighty fortress;

His eyes are like those of the eagle.

Who surpasses him in strength?

Who surpasses Cadoc in strength of arms?

The men of Cyrodiil captured him;

The soldiers of Cyrodiil bound him fast.

He opened his mouth and said "Who is it that captures me?"

"Who is it that binds my hands with many ropes?"

"Who is it that takes me to the place of execution?"

Verily they placed his head upon the block;

Verily the soldiers of Cyrodiil placed his neck upon the cutting place.

Cadoc bared his neck for the axe, for who will not call him brave?

Who will say to him "I am your better?"

Cadoc extended his neck, and made peace with his gods.

I've just realized that it's taken me two stanzas to get partway through a simplified version of the first five-minute cutscene. I'll stop here, but I have to say that everything does seem to sound more epic when repeated two or three times. Or is that just me?

Humanity in Ancient Ur

Hi, Benjamin here. Thanks to my Middle Eastern History class,  I've been reading through archaeological accounts of Ur, a great city in ancient Mesopotamia. I expected a dull read, but was surprised by the accessibility of what I found. I've paraphrased the most interesting bit:
When kings or queens died in ancient Ur, they would be buried along with a couple dozen of their court, attendants to help them in the next life. Whether this was a voluntary act is a bit unclear, but the sacrifice of the courtiers was most likely not violent, in any case. In one tomb, almost all the female attendants had gold or silver ribbons in their hair, but one was found with a coil of silver ribbon still in the folds of her decayed robes. It seems that this particular woman was late to the death ceremony, possibly hurrying off in the morning without taking the time to put the ribbon in her hair. She ended up never getting around to it.
History can often be boring or distant, but it's things like these that keep me engaged. Not the macabre human sacrifice, but the realization that people in ancient Mesopotamia were also human. They made mistakes and had feelings just like us.
I'm not going to convince everyone to enjoy history lessons, but I hope that we can begin to consider the past not as a list of dates and names, but as a series of people with pride, hatred, curiosity, greed, and everything else that comes with being human.
As an aside, my history courses have seared on my mind the ultimate evil of quoting or even mentioning a source without having a bibliography, so here you go:
Woolley, Leonard. Ur of the Chaldees. Harmondsworth: Penguin Books, 1952.

Screenshot of the Day: Garry's Mod

Yes, that is Dr. Kliener balancing in a bathtub, holding balloons and a car while surrounded by zombies.
If there's one thing I know about this 'game', it's that I'm not using it to it's full potential. Garry's mod is a sandbox of Half-Life 2, Team Fortress 2, and Counter-strike assets that can be used for making mods, videos, or pretty much anything you want. My favorite activity is seeing how many helium balloons it takes to lift an airboat full of subdued antlions, but I guess that shows how cultured I am.

Airplane Drinks

Hey, Benjamin here. I'm slightly dazed from a day of travel, but Chris can't think of anything useful right now, which leaves the daily post to me. Let's just get straight down to it. Here's why I always drink tomato juice when I'm on an airplane:
Water is too plain. Sure, you can ask for a cup of water and a cup of something else, but getting just water by itself is like going to a fancy restaurant and only eating the little crackers that come with the soup.
Orange juice can be too sour and rough on the throat. This varies from airline to airline, but is it really worth risking your laryngeal, pharyngeal, glottal, and tracheal comfort for a breakfast drink? (Confession time, I just googled 'throat adjective') That little cart of refreshment isn't going to come by again for another half hour at least.
Apple juice is a safe bet, but if you're taking an overnight flight and go to sleep after imbibing the juices of the apple, you may wake up with a sour or bitter taste in your mouth. I do, at least.
Coca-cola used to be my fall-back option on planes, as it was one drink they were sure to have, but it is in the same class as apple juice- prepare to wake up with gritty teeth.
I don't get alcohol because I'm underage, in some places at least. More importantly, I wouldn't know what to ask for. This terrifying conversation has played out in my mind too many times:
Me: I would like some wine.
Flight Attendant: What kind of wine?
Me: Uh... wine. I would like some wine.
Flight Attendant: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.
Me: Wine?
Flight Attendant: You don't have any sense of culture, do you? Here, here's some milk in a sippy cup. I'll bring a coloring book if you're extra good.
Because of all this and more, I ask for tomato juice. It's definitely not something I get every day, so it makes flying more special. Sometimes you get salt and pepper or hot sauce in your juice, and you can feel classy stirring your drink and staring out the window. And slightly less classy as you start to eat the ice cubes, one by one. Or is that just me?

Screenshot of the Day: Cave Story

Four wasps and one insignificant sprite with a pea-shooter.
Today I went on a brief foray into difficult-2D-platformer-land and was reminded why I don't play these games. Cave story isn't exactly unforgiving, but it's no Mahatma Gandhi either. Great precision and timing is required to jump from platform to platform while shooting at enemies, and while this may be perfect for some, it isn't exactly my cup of tea. The music is quite good, though, so after a while I just gave up and sat at the menu screen with the volume turned up.

Exit Part 4

Exit sighed and picked up his bucket as Captain Loophole scrambled back up the ladder to the steering platform. Captain Loophole’s ship, Knotleaguer, was not the biggest or best, but it did have almost nothing special about it. It had been built in the year 2201 using the most modern of techniques, and was made not of wood, but of a synthetic compound that looked, smelled, and felt exactly like wood, and had the exact same structure down to the atomic level. Captain Loophole had paid extra for creak. The sails were likewise on the cutting edge of technology, one of many products produced after the invention of cotton cloth, a monumental discovery that had taken place in the midst of a series of strange disappearances and murders of museum curators. Captain Loophole was always one to try things that had never been tried before, so it was with pride that he sailed Knotleaguer in what once were the seven seas, but became the nine seas for indistinct cartographical reasons. Every day wasn’t filled with adventure, but there were some that weren’t.

            Tim and Exit scrubbed the deck as they did every day. It was a monotonous task made more interesting by the oddities of the wood. Exit was fascinated by the swirls and spots painstakingly formed on the synthetic planks. He called over to Tim. “There’s a splotch here that looks like South America.”

            Tim set his bucket down and sidled over to examine the mark. “It looks a bit like a splotch on a bit of wood.”

            Exit hadn’t considered that before. “Yeah… a lot like it…”

            “Spitting image, almost.”

            “Excepting that wood doesn’t spit.”

            “Doesn’t have to, the image is doing that already.”

            “Hold on a moment, that is a splotch on a bit of wood. Something can’t just look like itself!”

            “How’s that?”

            “You’ve seen the catalogs, Tim. You even bought that pair of trousers.”

            “Now when you put it like that…” Tim broke off, gazing out across the water. “What’s that in the distance?”

            “Looks like… um…”

            Tim’s eyes lit up. “Looks like a splotch on a bit of wood.”

            Exit nodded. “There you go. Hit it on the spot.”

            “That’s South America, fellows!” yelled Captain Loophole. “We’re landing in Buenos Aires before sundown!” The ship creaked and rocked as he fiddled with the wheel. “LAND HOOOO!” Tim upended his bucket on his head out of excitement. Buenos Aires was known best for one thing: being the capital of Argentina.

New Background

Hey, Chris here. I just finished putting together a new background and color scheme for the blog. I'm still new to how these things work, so let me know with a comment if the background is all one color or messed up in some way on your computer or browser. Just to make this post more worth reading, I'll add a joke.

What do DotA players call the wall around a retirement home? The fence of the ancients.

That was a pune, or play on words.